Step 3 – Surrender

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God”


Ok, let’s review.

First off, we knew there was something wrong in our lives. Something that we couldn’t fix and was causing us pain. We identified what it was, or at least as much as we could, and we wrote it down. To paraphrase Dr. Schadenfreude from the movie Igor, “We kicked it, slapped it, took it to the movies and called it Irene.”

Then, after having figured out what our issue was, we realized that we couldn’t fix it alone. That there was no one alive that could fix it for us, and we needed help from something more than ourselves. So we found that we needed a Higher Power, something that was more than any one of us that could help us to fix this problem. What we were doing on our own was NOT working to solve the problem.

Now we need to make that final deciding factor. We need to actively let go. That’s what this step is about, letting go and giving up the control that we think we have over our lives. It’s about getting beyond ourselves so that healing and fixing can take place. We need to get out of the way, and TRUST in our Higher Power.

Whoa…that’s a hard one. Trust.

Our World doesn’t exactly breed that in us anymore. Trust is something that is earned, right? You need to see the “proof in the pudding” before you trust someone or something else. Right?

Wrong. Trust isn’t something that is earned, but it IS something that can be lost. Trust comes from a person’s willingness to be vulnerable and open to being hurt. Wow…that doesn’t really make trust sound all that good does it? :-)

Let’s be honest for a moment. Trust is a choice. It’s that simple. Sometimes it’s an unconscious choice, but it’s a choice nonetheless. Think about it. Think of someone that you don’t trust. Why? Is it because they torture small animals in their backyard? Do they keep mannequin body parts under the bed? No. It’s because, for whatever YOUR reasons, you have decided that you were not going to trust this person. Does that mean that no one will trust them? Of course not. It’s YOUR choice.

This step is another spiritual building block. It’s designed to get you out of your current thinking and behaviors by having you turn to something more than yourself.

We spend so much of our time defending our thoughts and behaviors, simply because they are ours! It’s hard to give up a habit, even if you KNOW it’s bad for you. So, in the words of A.A., this step asks you to “Let go and Let God.” You already know that you can’t manage your problem and you’ve come to realize that there IS someone that can.

Can you become humble and vulnerable enough to surrender your attempts at control over this problem?

I will admit it isn’t the easiest thing in the world to do. Sure, the words are EASY to say. It’s the commitment and follow through that are difficult. What do you do when the behaviors start to show up again? With this step, you now need to recognize them and turn to your Higher Power for help.

“Step AWAY from the doughnut!”

Stopping the behaviors is, of course, the first part, but you also have to be committed enough to walk away if you find they’ve cropped up again. Change location, talk about something else, call a friend, or even better…PRAY.

You don’t have to believe in God to pray to your Higher Power. It’s for you, first and foremost. It gives you something else to focus on and will remind you of your commitment in this Step.

Here are a few short things you can say to yourself…

Lord help me
to remember
that nothing
is going to happen
to me today
that You and I
together can't handle.

Lord, be Thou my constant Guide,
Lead me all the way,
Till I reach Thy home at last,
Nevermore to stray. Amen.

And for those that LOVE Sci-Fi, like me :-)
Here’s the “Litany Against Fear” from Dune.

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.