Tuesday, March 30

How to say Goodbye…

For all my readers, I’d like to ask a favor. Before I start my thoughts today, I’d like you each to take a moment and offer up a heartfelt prayer to whomever you believe in for a very good friend of mine. Her husband recently passed away. Please also offer up prayers for their kids as well. Go now, take a few moments. Thanks.

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Thank you all. I appreciate your help in caring for a good friend’s spirit.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.

As most of my long time readers will know, in 2008, my sons’ mother died. As anyone who has lost a relative or someone that they cared about can tell you, it’s not easy. Hell, that’s kind of putting it a bit mildly actually. In fact, it’s damn near the hardest thing you’ll ever have to deal with in life.

It’s also one of the few things that is really guaranteed from life. Everything dies. Now, that’s simply a cold hard truth and one that a lot of people don’t ever like to think about, especially when it concerns a loved one. But there it is and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

So, how do you say goodbye?

There’s been tons of articles written about this and a boatload of advice. However, having gone through this myself recently, I think I can accurately say, most of all that is complete crap. You find those great clichés of:

          •    It’s good that they aren’t hurting anymore
          •    They wouldn’t want you to be sad or mourn their passing
          •    Time will heal
          •    They are in a better place now
          •    Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah

I’m sorry, but WTF??!! I know that everyone that says those things is really reaching just to try to provide comfort. They are trying to help. And in a time like this, no one ever thinks that silence, sitting and giving of your presence and just BEING there is enough. No one seems to remember that there is a mountain of jumbled emotions ranging from peace to anger and covering every other part of the spectrum going on inside.

See…for those of us that have lost someone, there IS a part of our minds that KNOWS all those little platitudes. It’s a VERY small part of your mind and usually your heart and spirit tend to drown out its voice. Most of us will smile and thank the person speaking, then go back inside and scream and yell and rage.

Saying goodbye isn’t ever an easy or nice thing. It just isn’t. We all want the time to never end and our human minds tend to push off the fact that someday goodbye will be forever. That fact, of course, underscores how important today is for each of us. Sadly, that’s a fact that most of us don’t realize until after something happens.

Cherish them, remember them, love them for the rest of your time and “Goodbye” will become “Hello again” soon enough. – me :-)

I tend to joke with my friends and children about my own ending. I always tell them that IF I have anything to leave to them, it will be dependent on them throwing a party to celebrate my life, not a funeral to mourn my passing. I don’t think they believe that I’m 100% serious. Just me, but it better be a fully stocked open bar or two as well. You all are witnesses now, I expect you to make sure it happens. :-)

Goodbyes are hard. I cry every time my sons leave to go home. I think that my faith helps the transition as I don’t believe that this is all there is to my life and spirit. But it’s still hard. For me, I try to make certain that I tell those I love and care about that I do. I see it as a matter of leaving no doubt. That no matter what might happen to me; they know and understand for certain how I feel about them and how special they are to me. In some ways, that makes my goodbyes a little easier.

Ideally, we should never have to say goodbye. And I would encourage that, in your heart, you never do.



Sometimes people come into your life and you know
right away that they were meant to be there, to serve
some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help
you figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be - a roommate, a
neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a
complete stranger - but when you lock eyes with them,
you know at that very moment they will affect your
life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible,
painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you
find that without overcoming those obstacles you would
have never realized your potential, strength,
willpower, or heart.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness,
and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of
your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they
may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight
flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and
comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the
success and downfalls you experience, help to create
who you are and who you become. Even the bad
experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are
sometimes the most important ones.

If someone loves you, give love back to them in
whatever way you can, not only because they love you,
but because in a way, they are teaching you to love
and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your
heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn
about trust and the importance of being cautious to
whom you open your heart.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take
from those moments everything that you possibly can
for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk
to people that you have never talked to before, and
listen to what they have to say.

Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your
sights high. Hold your head up because you have every
right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and
believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in
yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in
you.

You can make anything you wish of your life. Create
your own life and then go out and live it with
absolutely no regrets.

And if you love someone tell them, for you never know
what tomorrow may have in store.

Learn a lesson in life each day that you live! Today
is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday. Was
it worth it?

2 comments:

desertskyquilts said...

Thank you for the post, Brandon. It's excellent advice. We tend to think there's more time, or they already know, but love can never be expressed too often.

I love you, guy.

Ajit said...

love can never be expressed too often.I know that but what i dont know is.why?